Stubbs the Zombie makes a triumphant return to the Xbox this spring

Stubbs here. That’s right baby I’m back and better than ever.

Well, I’m just like 2005. I was pretty great though, so there is.

I’m here today to bring you an exciting first floor opportunity: Stubbs the zombie in Rebel with no pulse, an Xbox classic, is coming soon to Xbox Series X | S and Xbox One. Still not sold? How about if I walked you through all of the great features this game has to offer?

Same engine

Stubbs the zombie in Rebel with no pulse runs on a state-of-the-art game engine of tomorrow *: A really good engine from a very popular game that we’re not sure we can legally name. This game launched on Xbox too and was a real masterpiece if you get my drift, Chief. **

Sure, it might be straight from 2005, but I’m living proof that some things get better with age. Heck, I’ll even be bringing in updated controls and brand new achievements to sweeten the deal.

Same special skills

You have courage boy I can tell *** Have you ever thought about using it as a grenade? My dubiously patented intestinal grenade is growing in popularity, mark my words!

Of course, there are other ways to kill people too. Some people say my approach stinks, but Unholy Flatulence kills them every time.

Since you’ve come this far, you need to know something about zombies: we know how to get you through. In particular, an ejection head. Bowling is for idiots, but take your head off and roll your idiots down? That’s the good stuff.

So, Whaddaya Think?

I don’t know about you, but I feel pretty good about this whole thing. Same stubbs, new consoles. Has a nice sound. How would you feel if I told you to pre-order the digital version of? Stubbs the zombie in Rebel with no pulse in the Xbox Store today?

Do you still have doubts? Take some time and think about it. I can wait … after all, I’ve waited 15 years to come back. What are a few more months?

* Legal here. We’d like to inform you that it was tomorrow’s game engine in 2005, but now it’s technically yesterday’s game engine.

** Legal again. Any similarities in the previous set with characters belonging to Xbox or not are completely random.

*** Legal again. Stubbs the Zombie is not intended for kids, kids, or really anyone. It’s gross, immature and, according to most, “incredibly tasteless”.