Elden Ring player news is just as dirty as Dark Souls

A fantasy warrior observes a ghostly figure bending over a corpse with the text

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

The most obvious way to determine if Elden ring is a souls Game isn’t its satisfyingly difficult gameplay loop or incomprehensible lore. No, the true test of Elden ringis inherent souls-ness resides in the messaging system, where players can leave asynchronous notes to give their fellow players tips on upcoming dangers or to get them to jump off a cliff.

That said Elden ring Players can’t just write whatever they want. As in previous FromSoftware games, messages are created using Mad Lib-style templates into which players can insert a long list of words spanning proper nouns, directions, emotions, animals and much more. While this is good enough for talking about what’s hiding around the corner in a dungeon, for example, players can also come up with clever ways to circumvent these restrictions for more vulgar purposes.

Here’s some of the best news I’ve found in The Lands Between a little over 20 hours into my time with Elden ring. And yes, many of them are dirty. Iam a child


Elden ring is not in Fourteen days (yet), so this is probably the next best thing.

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

Oh good, I was wondering when it would show up.

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

That’s not from a player, but I couldn’t help but laugh at it Elden ring‘s deadpan, to the point, explanation of this NPC’s status.

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

Sometimes the best messages are the most obvious. Yes, those are legs. Thank you, nameless tainted one.

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

Elden ring is intense so you need to find time to rest where you can. Why not a giant wooden chair?

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

Leave the poor old lady alone.

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

In my opinion, the best messages combine text with gestures that complete or complement the joke.

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

Dito.

Dito.

Plus, it’s really fun when a message sets up a joke…

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

…and something in the world completes the punchline.

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

Some of the most disappointing moments in Elden ring are due to your inability to use the giant ballistae that threaten you in certain regions. Give us leverage, FromSoftware!

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

I think these guys are too far away to save, but it’s a nice thought.

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

Listen, it’s important to know your limits. Do what you have to do, just be safe.

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku

Just in case you like mewonder if Elden ring could pull a Sekiro-how Snake Jumpscare Any time you cross a long bridge, this helpful message should put your mind at ease.

A text box reading

screenshot: By Software / Kotaku


Elden ring is tough with a dark backstory, but it’s also the funnest game I’ve played in a long time. Feel free to share some of your favorite news in the comments, I’d love to see what you’ve found and/or come up with something. The more absurd the better!

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