I have been the Handsome squidward for Red Dead Online

When the Red Dead Online was introduced, I made my first cow – Aggie Havelock – with great value and accuracy and care. Not at all.

When I pulled out Aggie in the middle of the day and finished my first job, she just got in trouble. Her skin was oily and oily, very shiny. His dead, glassy eyes were only focused, and I'm not 100% sure he has eyelids.

The first major NPC I encountered, Jessica LeClerk, looked like a very convincing human form, and I looked like a creature from this sea who somehow managed to grapple with my invisible, fleshless body made by a couple of beef and cowboy hats.

It was excessive Frankenstein-esque, but instead of being a high-tech scientist, I was trying to portray a human being in a ham box using a piece of sharp metal. My creations have never had the opportunity to move freely. Instead, I quietly turned off my PS4 and looked at what I did.

No foundation has survived this Aggie growth. I find this to be reasonable; I have no pictures of a banana that I stabbed as a child, which was rediscovered several years later by my mother as the basis for the complex ecosystem in my coat. Why would I keep any of those memories? No thanks. Please, no.

Part of the problem was my inaction, and part of the tools Rockstar had given me for Aggie art. I had to do a second character, and he was the best. For a moment, I was satisfied.

But lately, like rootin & # 39 ;, tootin & # 39; of Dorian Gray, I felt my nakedness overcame me. The skin of my new character was still wet with sweat; his mouth was strangely shaped, and I had completely chewed his cheeks. But it was good, I told myself. I bought many cute blouses and long hats. I had to avoid just some angles, when the unknown shortcuts I had made of skull and flesh were exposed.

After that, Rockstar introduced the ability to re-create your character without me having to restart the game, and I completely abandoned my anointing and balance. I gave my roommate a light.

Image: Rockstar Games with Polygon

Up to this point of the story, there is nothing I can do. Problem with my post-light behavior.

I'm upgrading my post with my finger. I am impressed with my new face. My cheeks. My jaw. I can't wear make-up or I can wear myself. I can equip used hair or long braid. I look good in every situation – in fact, some are afraid of my appearance and good. I have created a cow that is struggling hard in a dangerous way in the Handsome squidward garden.

The problem is that 40% of my game time is now devoted to dressing my character and honoring him.

If you ask me, you sign in and make a few trips that give you good rewards for being broken. Going in and doing work that is in line with the inner vision of how you see your character is raised. You know what bespoke? Wear your character and rotate the camera so you can compliment the way his helmet is no longer leaning against the side of his head.

My stupid friends are fighting with the Pinkertons and committing crimes of cattle. I am here to try to find a lamp in a new visual environment. We are no different.

Image: Rockstar Games with Polygon

I admit that there is something tricky about the way I present it at Red Dead Online. I work from home, and there are days when I don't get around to putting my pants on. I am currently experiencing some kind of progressive, clever-hair-suppression. I usually wear a t-shirt, which covers the cat's hair.

In the meantime, my character is in Blackwater doing a fashionable shoot with a corset, knee high boots, and four layers of skirts. The members of my post died somewhere in the plain. I hear them crying and despairing as a teenager named JacktheBongRipper (or something of the sort) cheers them on.

So far I have been rewarded in every important way: new corsets and better game images alongside endless compliments and solemn murmurs from the herds of cattle next to me.

When my character puts his head over his pillow, I think the last two stories of Aggie Haslock I killed are standing outside his home, their skin yellow and rotting covered in sunlight, eyes staring. I know I am a villain, drawn to power by sharp cheekbones and freckles, and will pay an unknown price for it someday.

But for now, please, get some new boots!