It’s 10pm and I’m stumbling back into my apartment after a wild night in New York City. On the way in, I almost tripped over a huge box that was next to my mailbox. It’s big enough to hold a PC monitor. I moan. I know exactly what it is: a $300+ anime figure. [Freeze frame, record scratch] You may be wondering how I got here.
I’ve moved across the country for most of my life, so up until now I’ve refused to buy anything that was bulky or impractical. But then the pandemic hit and it suddenly felt impossible to think ahead with my money. Instead of planning trips, I spent more time playing video games and buying junk that made me happy. When the Good Smile Company announced they would be producing a ball-jointed figure of fire sign‘s Edelgard from Hreslveg, I knew I had to have a mockup of my favorite JRPG of all time. It would cost $56.
Here’s the biggest problem with Fire Emblem: Three Houses merch: If you live in the US, there are rarely any. I own the wall scroll, a tissue and a card holder because I bought them in Tokyo. So Edelgard’s mysterious smile of the Mona Lisa had a certain exclusive appeal from the start. In March 2020 I placed my order online and then waited a whole year.
You thought pre-ordering video games was bad? Welcome to the world of figure purchases. Unlike Funko Pops, most figures are made to order. Manufacturing and shipping usually takes about a year. And just like video games, production can be delayed for a number of unknown reasons. So the strategy behind buying figures is to pay tens or hundreds of dollars and then completely forget you ever ordered them. By the time your purchase finally arrives, you may have completely lost interest in that series or character. This is not for the faint of heart.
So why put up with all this nonsense? Why not go to the secondary market? Oh, my sweet summer child. In the pre-order phase, the figures usually cost the lowest amount of money. So I ended up ordering a $301 figure of Shi Huang Di Destiny/Grand Order in December 2020. They are the non-binary antagonist of one of the later chapters of a mobile gacha game, so I knew they didn’t have broad market appeal. I could buy the figure now for a few hundred dollars or wait for $400-$800 now. whoops
It was the pandemic, OK. I had money to burn and was fascinated by their frosted mercury smoke (in real history, the first emperor of China died of mercury poisoning, and mercury ditches protect his remains from modern archaeologists to this day). At that time I couldn’t get Shi Huang Di into the gacha game no matter how many times I tried the semi-annual packs. The cheaper option was losing several hundred dollars on a model, so I did it. After several manufacturing delays and shipping issues, I finally received them this year. Now imagine my absolute heartbreak when a stainless steel water bottle fell and shattered one of its pieces of mercury.
I bought some glue and “fixed it”. No, I don’t want to talk about it any further.
But for me it was too late. I had tasted the forbidden fruit of buying figurines, and I could never go back to the days when I made fun of other women’s expensive hobbies. But I’ve matured. I pre-ordered a $351 Ningguang figure because I adored it, not because it wasn’t available there Genshin Impact. Just like rolling real gacha, I realized it was a better decision than ordering figures from FOMO. So I branched out to the Nero Claudius figurine ($47) and Caster Artoria Nendoroid ($58). When the Good Smile Company released a Lumine and Aether duo set, I told them to shut up and take my money ($65 each). “But wait!” you might say. “That’s only $943!” And you’d be right if my pending order for the Xiao figure hadn’t brought me $147. It’s coming in June next year, and I’m looking forward to it more than any summer game release.
This may seem like a lot of figures. But really, it’s not. I could have bought the Silverash Nendoroid or Surtr figures Arknights. I didn’t, but one day I feel like I’m going to break down. One of the few things that holds me back is the limited square footage I have in my New York apartment. So as long as I live in a shoe box, I’m safe. I find.
Like many millennials, I have no real intention of buying the old status symbols of my parents’ generation like gold watches or fine china. Whoever inherits my possessions after my death will also receive a treasure trove of anime characters. And frankly, that makes more sense than being left with a diamond jewelry collection.
