There are no ducks in my pool.
There are never any ducks in my pool. To be honest, I don’t even know if the ducks in The Sims 4 will play the same as the ducks I fed back at my old place. But I still miss them.
Why? Can you please stop asking me such things? It always comes back to why I’m with you. Yes I know you are my psychiatrist and that’s why you live on the balcony on top of my house with my money and sleep in a coffin I bought for you because I think it’s funny but You don’t have to rub it if you don’t. No, I haven’t had a meltdown lately.
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Okay, I yelled at a stuffed bunny that looked a bit like a skeleton, so maybe I was causing a ruckus at the ghostly version of Alcoholics Anonymous, but I could help it. All the best at work. Look, you know I can’t tell you a lot about my job, but I’ve told you that I’m in the waste management business, right? Yes, not criminals because we are better than petty criminals, but we are part of…the organization…that takes care of things.
This is a family business, and the boss is this old guy, who has a very good way of doing things. Like me, I believe deeply in tradition. In the idea that people do what they are supposed to do. He seemed to like me, I guess because I was good at handling things discreetly when someone died. What? You can’t prove I ever touched a scythe – just try asking witnesses and I guarantee they’ll have nothing but good things to say about me.
That’s very Catholic, I suppose, even if I don’t quite remember the whole process in the Bible about feeding harvested souls into a giant portal to the netherworld. I should ask Carmella, she’s more into that kind of thing than I am, although I obviously still believe it, and I’m sure Meadow and Anthony Jr. do too.
It’s important, you know, even now it’s getting harder to keep them unaware of the harsh realities of working for the Netherworld Division. They are growing up and starting to develop their own increasingly complex emotions. Having Paulie and Chris live with us—and you, uh, my mother—might not help, but what would one do? We had to move here from New Jersey to fucking Ravenwood. I wanted to go to Vegas or Arizona, somewhere sunny, but no, the federal government is stepping up, so we’re stuck in a small town they’ve never heard of. There are ghosts aplenty, tombs aplenty, and damn trees that whisper to you.
I even had to bring you, Dr. Melfi. Oh, shut up, you know you don’t want to go back to that motel where you last hid. Plus, you can talk to a lot of weirdos here. That Lane Coffin, don’t get me started. Don’t give me that look, he was just one of those carefree assholes we were talking about back then.
He was the least of my problems anyway. Yes, it’s my mother. You know, when we moved here, I had to give in and let her live with us, even though she was dead to me. Well, we didn’t get along and now she’s literally dead to me. What are you looking at? No, God, of course I didn’t, I love that woman. You were there when it happened. At around ten o’clock in the evening, she went out to swim in the swimming pool, because for some reason, she wanted to try to improve her exercise level.
Next thing we know, boom, some walls appear at the edge of the pool, trapping her in the water. When we tried to get to her, she was there shaking, crying, every need in her except for her bladder plummeting. It takes about forty minutes and then the Reapers show up. Somehow, he carries her soul through the wall and she becomes a ghost.
Then, the next thing you know, he’s gone and so are the walls. This is my mother, floating across the foundation and back into the house like nothing happened. She’s been pretty much the same since then, but she’s been possessing furniture, levitating things, and jumping around on all of us. This really freaks Paulie out and drives me crazy, and the worst part is I know I’m going to be at odds with myself when it comes to her stuff because she made a really weird will. Not that I wanted anything, especially that random heirloom she made because she was still getting the hang of the machinist. But you can bet your ass Janice will show up at some point trying to find the deed to her old house.
Speaking of Janice, she won’t be attending the funeral. I offered to pay for her plane ticket from Seattle, but she kept telling me she had never heard of Ravenwood and couldn’t find it on a map. I told her you just open the menu, select world, and there it is. Apparently this was too hard for her, can you believe it?
No matter what, we all grieve. There are four different types, and I always seem to encounter the angriest type because of my hot-headed traits. It’s not my fault, it was passed on to me from my dad. So, I always lose my temper, especially when I’m around her ghost. The rest are coping in different ways. Some of them cried constantly, cheered themselves up in the mirror, and even went swimming sadly. The damn house didn’t help because it had the character of a “holy place” that made us uncomfortable ourselves.
The funeral seemed to help a bit and we followed her wishes and kept it low key. You know, a moment of silence that keeps people from trying to find something nice to say. No music allowed. There is a lot of food. I managed to talk the kids out of firing a commemorative cannon I didn’t remember buying. She took a beautiful photo next to the casket and then I took the urn and made it into a tombstone in the yard. Look, if you bought a house with a built-in cemetery, you took advantage of it.
But from then on, my biggest concern was Christopher. You see, Paulie was just a funeral director, but I let Moltisanti follow in my footsteps and become a Green Turnee. Anyway, he saw Grim’s Tablet and now he says that he will die soon and that he will go to hell. This whole “death chase” quality thing. This really keeps Paulie going, thinking he might be going to hell too. Even went to see a psychic who did some weird things with tarot cards. Now he is collecting them and reading them to people while eating Gabagool. He was humming the TV commercial theme while he was doing it and it was driving me crazy. If he wasn’t a good breadwinner for the family, I might have to fire him.
But it doesn’t matter. I just take it one day at a time, make my bucket list, and try to find a little joy. All is well with me on my soul journey. But I don’t know how to criticize the world. Maybe that’s why I keep having those feelings that make me panic about unfulfilled goals. I guess I’m stressed out because I end up with unfinished business that prevents me from moving forward peacefully, no matter how many ghost mastering abilities I master.
You see, what I want most is those ducks back. But this is The Sims 4, and while this new expansion is pretty cool, I haven’t purchased the Cottage Living expansion yet.
So, there are no ducks in my pool.
