Can silence improve the quality of debates? Actually, can help you win them. At least that’s what some of the richest and boldest men in the world, like Tim Cook, Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk, think. In fact, Steve Jobs mastered this emotional intelligence tool which helps maintain a balance between critical thinking and emotions. We explain to you what this technique consists of and how the managers of Apple, Amazon and Tesla apply it.
What is the “awkward silence rule”
The “awkward silence rule” is actually a resource to apply to communication rules. This technique consists of remaining silent for a long period of time, between 10 and 20 seconds, when faced with a question. If the question is unpleasant or deals with a sensitive topic, this silence will help you weigh your options and generate expectations. 15 seconds can seem like an eternity in any normal conversation. and so, if the other party has raised an awkward question, the echo of the question itself will invite you to reconsider it.
The objective is always the same: give more thoughtful and clearer answers, where there is a balance between what is said and what is thought, your own principles and values as a person. You know what they say: we own what we keep quiet and are slaves to what we say. And it is better to remain silent and appear “idiotic” than to speak and confirm it: the fish dies through the mouth.
This technique is attributed to Justin Bariso, creator of EQ Applied, also author of the book “Emotional Intelligence for Everyday Life”. And it is widely used by personalities like Tim Cook or Jeff Bezos, as Bariso himself recognizes in several interviews, because they are profiles subject to high pressure and their leadership and business management roles require them to take great care with each statement, in order to avoid misinterpretations.
But why is it uncomfortable? Because such a long pause makes the interlocutor feel that he is not communicating effectively with him. This creates confusion and is not common. Depending on the context, this can be very unpleasant. But, according to Bariso, “This rule has always been a valuable emotional intelligence toolbecause it allows you to balance thought and emotion, instead of reacting solely based on feelings.
Steve Jobs was the master of silence
Steve Jobs said many memorable phrases, but without a doubt part of his success was due to his silences and how he measured pauses in conversations. Jobs had a tough personality, he negotiated aggressively and did not mince his words when it came to talking about his technology rivals. The anecdote was famous in 1997, when he returned to the company and entirely opening speech someone said “you have no idea what you’re talking about”. Jobs sat silently without saying anything.
He practiced the rule of awkward silence. In fact, Steve Jobs fumbled for a while before responding. He poured himself some water, gulped, and, more than ten seconds later, replied, “You know, some people can love you sometimes, but…” and He remained silent again. I was evaluating expectations. A few seconds later, he replied: “One of the hardest things about trying to change something is that people like this gentleman are right… about things.” He left him exposed, gave him the benefit of the doubt, and kept going until he had everyone in his pocket.
Jeff Bezos also applies it in his meetings
Jeff Bezos prides himself on being a fairly cerebral and methodical person. Even though he doesn’t understand quantum physics well, he has always been calm. And that’s their key: take things calmly. And this applies to your daily life: spend up to 30 minutes reading emails printed silently and demands that he not be interrupted when it is his turn to speak.
In an interview with Fortune, Bezos recalls that “for new employees, it’s a strange first experience“, since they are not used to sitting quietly in a room and being scrutinized. But he assures that it is one of the best ways to detect the strengths (and courage) of these key profiles. What Tesla founder Elon Musk agrees with, someone who usually takes “forever” – between 5 and 15 seconds – to answer interview questions.
Years have shown that this rule of awkward silence is a good practice in emotional management and that It’s worth expanding the conversation a little to structure a more intelligent speechrested and moving towards a clear direction.
Pictures | Jeff Bezos, property of the Space and Missile System Center at Los Angeles Air Force Base.
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