The final special of The Grand Tour, One for the Road, was a poignant farewell to one of the most successful and beloved male friendships in television history. It’s not hard to see why it’s time to say goodbye to the formula invented all those years ago by host Jeremy Clarkson and producer Andy Wilman: They’re old now. Things get harder to do as you get older. Even at the relatively sprightly age of 40, I can attest to that.
But beyond the invisible march of biological decline there are more tangible concerns, many of which were listed during the question-and-answer session on Tuesday night. Spend a night with the Grand Tourit was a special event that was part press conference, part celebration of three people living a life well lived: besides us journalists, most of the audience were family and friends of the three protagonists. Lisa Hogan, Clarkson’s long-suffering partner, has become a fan favorite on the sister show Clarkson Farm Thanks to her best efforts, she was present at the evening with the production team she has worked with over the years. The mood of the evening was hard to describe: somber, but joyous. More Irish wake than Stately Funes.
Clarkson himself proudly admits that he is “too fat” to fit into a supercar, a reality that will surely dampen hopes of seeing him take one last lap in the Ariel Atom. More pressing and worrying is that Clarkson and company have exhausted everything the car can do, except Successfully Launch it straight into space, just like that infamous Tesla stunt a few years ago.
And Tesla was perhaps the one most indignant about Clarkson’s comments during the special, giving the ultimate reason why he had to end his career as a car show host: frankly, electric cars are garbage.
This time, it’s hard to disagree with him. This isn’t the kind of anti-Greenpeace rhetoric he made during his Top Gear heyday. In fact, he’s had some serious shifts in environmentalism since becoming a celebrity farmer. It’s just a matter of aesthetics. Passion. Drive.
In an in-car clip shot to camera (they make it look easy but, as I discovered earlier this year, it’s actually very hard), Clarkson comments on the characteristic engine roar of his beloved Lancia Monte Carlo: “That’s the sound you young people don’t grow up hearing,” he laments. “I hate electric cars. They’re worse than white goods.” It’s true: despite the absence of toxic emissions, pure electric cars are horrible, lifeless things. Every time I see a Tesla or a Polestar on the road, I frown. They look like over-inflated regular cars. They’ve been cartoonishly blown up to accommodate the large amounts of conflict minerals needed to power the super-quiet electric motors. Of course, it’s almost impossible for an old car enthusiast to be enthusiastic about something that is essentially a cross between a bumper car and an iPhone.
Clarkson must therefore go. His comrades must go with him, as they have done so faithfully in the past, because, as we all know, motoring entertainment is nothing without him. After the euphoria of their incredible last appearance, a new generation of producers and presenters will reinvent motoring magazine shows, and as we have seen in the various disasters that have occurred since Clarkson left Top Gear, a genuine passion for the subject is absolutely essential if such a show is to succeed again.
We know this instinctively. How many of us love baking competitions but have never baked a cake? How many of us love Bob Ross but have never picked up a paintbrush? Half the people who watch MasterChef probably microwave most of their dinners. Passion is the key driver of all these things: it’s engaging. It’s lovable. Through these three much-loved cars, it made the Aston Martin DB9 and the Pagani Zonda household names, cars that most people would be lucky to be within 200 feet of, let alone drive. We’re a nation of Mondeo owners, but we all have fond memories of Clarkson’s exploits in the Bugatti Veyron.
If The Grand Tour goes ahead (and apparently that’s the plan), then the show’s host will have to be a real car fan. Mike Fernie, currently the main host of Drivetribe, would certainly be a good choice. If I were any of these people, Gamer Network’s own Mike Channell (who I worked with on Top Gear’s ill-fated gaming spin-off) would also be on the shortlist. An unexpected and bold choice would be Chris Harris, a fan favourite in Top Gear’s post-Clarkson era and a brilliant talent. Richard’s daughter Izzy Hammond has also proved herself on Drivetribe, her passion for the subject is clear for all to see and charges of nepotism are off the table (this is Britain, the whole thing runs on nepotism, it determines who gets the special golden hat that represents you as head of state).
I’m just taking a wild guess. Who knows how it will turn out – or with whom. As long as it’s not Chris Evans (who the British public has long been misled into thinking is a popular broadcaster, even though none of us actually know anyone like him), we’re off to a good start. But whoever it is will need to have an infectious enthusiasm for all things automotive in the 21st century: that means giving us all a reason to love electric cars.
