Soapbox features allow our individual writers and contributors to voice their opinions on hot topics and random things they’ve been chewing on. Today, Kate discusses one of Mario’s criminal — and criminally underrated — friends…
Sometimes I doubt that, in another life before this one, I was a thief. In this life, I’m a relatively boring, mostly law-abiding person – admittedly someone who is occasionally tempted to ‘accidentally’ put expensive products in as something cheaper when I’m at the checkout, CALLED God’s little test – but when a game gives me a chance to be light-hearted , I am going to all in.
It’s not entirely my fault. Skyrim is simply a heist simulator with a story as far as I’m concerned. Both Dragon’s Dogma and The Witcher 3 are full of people who leave their valuables unguarded in large, tempting chests all the time, almost as if want to take it. And if people don’t want me to steal their stuff Baldur’s Gate 3, they should not leave it lying on the ground. It is a victimless crime! NPCs aren’t real and have no feelings anyway, and no need for a big old bag of gold. Plus, my real life is full of complicated, difficult moral choices, so when I play games, I become a mugging jerk, with no consequences.
Most games that let you steal are RPGs – epic fantasy games that let you be whoever you want, including a dirty thief. But there are elements of stealth in other games as well, like Final Fantasy Steal a move and Pokemon’s Thief move, who rob the opponent of the object they are holding. You might think that this kind of low-stakes, one-item-at-a-time thievery isn’t as exciting as regular shelf-snapping or pick-pocketing, but here’s the thing: It absolutely is. Normal stealing is exciting because you get stuff for free. Stealing based on moves is exciting because you have it he has no idea what will you get It could be a potion; it could be a late game rare item; it could be money. Theft! That!
In general, there isn’t much morally questionable behavior in a Mario game. Mario and his friends are surprisingly well behaved for a game where the nearest police are a group very stupid mushrooms. But in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, we get to see a much darker side of the Mushroom Kingdom in Rogueport, where the most dangerous of the pesky people gather. It’s incredibly dark for a Mario game. They were hanged there! There is gang violence! It’s there mafia! And… there’s Mrs. Mowz.
She’s the hit of hot sauce on Mario’s baked potatoes, and I don’t mean that as an allusion.
You will first meet Mrs. Mowz on your mission to find Hooktail the dragon and save the city of Petalburg. She’s the one who gives you a hint on how to defeat him, by finding a certain badge in the castle, and even giving Mario a little peck on the cheek before escaping through the window. Scandalous! You meet the masked mouse a few more times throughout the game, crossing paths with her as she searches for elusive and valuable badges, but it’s only when you agree to help her – a completely optional and easily missable side quest – that you become friends with her for good.
And once you befriend her, she’s one of the best companions in the game (in my opinion), thanks to her two unique abilities. The first is the ability to sniff out secrets, like star pieces and coins, which you’ll appreciate late game when you need them for upgrades. The second, as you might have guessed, is thievery.
Mrs. Mowz’s Kiss Thief move can steal money, items, and even badges from an unsuspecting victim, adding to Mario’s own inventory and ensuring the enemy can’t take advantage of what they’re holding. And I know, tactically, Mrs. Mowz as a companion is… okay. She can’t hold a candle to Bobbery’s blasts, Vivian’s Veil, and Yoshi’s… everything, because Mowz’s damage moves aren’t very good. Even stealing isn’t great, as most of the time all you’ll get is one coin.
But I’m not in it for the profit! I’m not in it for the power! I’m Mrs. Mowz flat because I’m just i love the thrill of stealing.
Paper Mario is a game that lets you mix things up in a big way. You can change your badge, you can change your followers, and you can make bad tactical decisions if you want to, especially if those bad tactical decisions are fun. I love equipping Luigi’s clothes and Attack FX badges, even if they don’t do anything. I like to use attacks that do a lot of damage instead of being good at the game and using more subtle moves. And I love having Mrs. Mowz with me. She’s cute, she’s flirty, and she gets me free stuff. I mean, forget Peach – Mrs. Mowz is the girl Mario really deserves.
That’s another thing that’s so wonderful about Ms. Mowz, actually – the uniqueness of being a complete coquette in a game series that’s usually pretty chaste. She’s not afraid to call him things like “handsome piece of cheese” (ugh), wink at him, and give him more kisses than Peach has managed in the entire history of Mario games. She’s the hit of hot sauce on Mario’s baked potatoes, and I don’t mean that as an allusion. Ms. Mowz is the epitome of the weird, wonderful, and slightly daring things that Thousand-Year Door is known for. She is exactly the spice the series needs and I love her.
So yes, Ms. Mowz is not a powerful strategy and combat power. Among all Mario’s followers, she is often the worst for this very reason. But I like to steal. And I love Mrs. Mowz. Perhaps the best companions aren’t always the ones that maximize our damage, but the ones that offer the most enjoyment within our game experience. This is a lesson I encourage you all to take with you in other games as well – put away the min-max guides and stop and smell the roses every now and then. Sometimes those roses will teach you how to pick your pockets.
