Discussions about the best Splatoon group of idols is a dime a dozen, but the stakes have never been higher than in the upcoming second anniversary celebration of Splatoon 3: Grand Festival.
Starting on the 13th of September and ending on the 16th of the same month (or the 12th to the 15th, depending on your region), this three-day event is not only a Splatfest pitting fans of each group against each other, but also a music festival where pop stars fresh are for performing on big and small stages.
That means Splatoon’s Squid Sisters, Splatoon 2’s Off The Hook, and the newest group in Splatoon 3’s Deep Cut will be doing it both on stage and in your hearts. Boy are we excited! But don’t take the decision of who to support lightly because the results of the Splatfest might just decide which form Splatoon 4 takes, much like the final Splatfests of the first two games did for their subsequent entries.
We’re here to represent every team, but you might first say to yourself, “Nintendo never called this the last Splatfest!” So let’s first discuss why this fight will likely be a curtain call.
Final Splatfest or just Grand?
Although Nintendo didn’t specifically label the Grand Festival as the finale of Splatoon 3, the grandeur of the event led many to jump to that conclusion. However, it also confirms the facts.
First off, the headline of the press release announcing the Grand Festival reads “Splatoon 3 Splatfests Reach a Crescendo,” which means that the Grand Festival is probably the most awesome spectacle we’ll ever see in this entry. Given that previous games framed their future-deciding Splatfests within major events celebrating their second anniversary, it would stand to reason that the Grand Festival would similarly decide the fate of Splatoon 4. On top of that, those Splatfests also ran for a long time and were accompanied by merchandise purchases (including Splatoon’s Callie & Marie amiibo). Sounds familiar, right?
The “Past vs. Present vs. Future” theme is also very similar to Splatoon 2’s “Chaos vs. Order”, the results of which dictated the Splatoon 3 base game and expansion. Themes like these naturally lend themselves to a wide palette from which developers can design their next game. There was only one other Splatfest in Splatoon 3 that similarly used broad themes, and that was Zelda crossover, which was a kind of exception. Therefore, this trio of choices stands out.
If that’s not enough, each team represented by an idol unit rather than individual Deep Cut members returns to the decisive “Callie vs. Marie” battle that ended Splatoon. Even if this is all a coincidence, the stakes are still high as this is fans’ big chance to declare their favorite idol group once and for all.
If you’re on the fence or feeling unprepared for the upcoming feud, then it’s time to hear us out on all three teams.
Past – Squid Sisters
There’s one thing no one will deny during this Splatfest: Callie & Marie are the quintessential squid idols. They are the front men of the franchise who defined the concept of “freshness” back in 2015. Not only did they host the inaugural game, but they also played major roles in the campaigns that followed. Some might call this duo overplayed, but we don’t think that’s fair. They are vintage at the same time while always wearing some of the trendiest outfits in Incadia.
For the Grand Festival, the duo tackles the hedgehog theme. Callie holds her tentacle together with spikes and Marie crowns herself with a sea urchin shell. Their white outfits accented with rows of black gemstones might make you think they have a purely classy approach, but one detail shows that their competitive spirit simmers beneath the surface: the ring on Marie’s middle finger. Her typically subdued demeanor hides an edge that screams, “I’m in it to win.” This bold addition could pay off as there is no doubt that this team will attract many series veterans who have run this unit for nearly a decade.
The Squid Sisters are living proof that the past is timeless. A Splatoon 4 focusing on costumes from past eras of the real world would be a fun twist on the modern fashion styles the series is known for. A referendum on nostalgia would also be a compelling story. Also, given the lackluster sales of the Wii U, this would be the first time for many to experience Callie & Marie as hosts.
Present – off
While their main entrance is technically a thing of the past, Pearl & Marina are the most representative idols of the modern era. That’s not just because they were the subject of Splatoon 3’s recent Side Order expansion; they are the unit most synonymous with modern music trends, especially in hip-hop and electronica. Plus, Pearl is a byproduct of the social media era as Splatoon’s most meme-ready character this side of Big Man.
This competition is no joke for Pearl though. She ditched her iconic crown for the evocative garb of a military commander. In other words, this time it’s on the front line. What we’re trying to say is don’t take her short stature for granted unless you want a calf-length boot. Meanwhile, Marina combines this military styling with club-ready outfits, including a silver sequined bikini top with matching necklaces and spiked earrings that give her the X factor. She ditched her signature headphones and instead busted out her keytar for this performance, and who can he object to that? She’s like KK Slider — cool at the turntable, but on the rise with a guitar (well, a guitar-shaped instrument).
The present is constantly changing, so while Splatoon has focused almost exclusively on the latest look, the ever-changing trends mean the franchise will never go out of style. So while a vote for Off the Hook may sound like a vote for the status quo on paper, it’s anything but.
Future – Deep Cut
Finally, we come to the Splatoon 3 idols, the trio we’ve spent the last two years on behalf of. Every visitor to the Grand Festival will be familiar with them, which gives this trio the advantage of the home team. However, this does not mean that they rest on their laurels in the face of tough competition; they brought clothes that push the boundaries of fashion.
Shiver has 20/20 vision now that she has detached the tentacle hairs from her eye; she even went out of her way to get the Deep Cut logo tattooed on the stomach. That’s commitment. However, what really stands out is her new hairstyle that replaces her twisted hachimaki. They didn’t in full sure what it should be, though that just helps sell their futuristic theme. The gym-ready Frye follows suit with a front-facing bun shaped like tiny horns. The metal wire holding them together extends to her ears, an attractive use of their length to complement her look.
But let’s be honest: we’re here to talk about the Big Man. You’ve read this far, so we won’t brag: I think he’s the best there ever was and ever will be. He is big. He’s a flop. He has an emoji smile. Everyone wants to hug him. Well, at least until now. If the spiky jumpsuit he chose doesn’t pierce you, his eyeshadow will cut deep into your soul. Throw in that wild hair and the Big Man becomes Big Punk in a way that says he’s ready for the battle ahead.
This vision of the future promises some unusual styles for Splatoon 4 that would allow the entry to create a new visual identity. If you’re a bit worn out by the series’ street fashion, this is a team you’ll want to join. (Or if you just want to support the Big Man. Yes, we’re biased.)
But who will you choose?
Plenty of things me think about it though. I want to hear from you! Are you in it to represent your favorite unit, to potentially pave the way for Splatoon 4, or is there something else you’re looking for in a team? Let us know by voting in our poll and leaving a comment. But most of all, make sure you enjoy the Grand Festival from September 12-15 as it’s shaping up to be Splatoon’s biggest spectacle yet.
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