The Bob’s Burgers Movie hitting theaters this weekend (read our review!) and giving us another chance to hang out with the Belcher gang.
Here at Polygon, we’ve decided that the best way to celebrate the occasion is to select a few burgers from Bob’s Burgers official burger book to cook and taste at home. Six of our intrepid employees chose a burger, which they sang to (not quite literally, although you never know with Bob’s burger) and set about making them at home.
Read our takeaways below, but first a quick message to Bob Belcher:
Bob, buddy. I know you are passionate about burgers and food in general. But for heaven’s sake, spice up your food! I know your restaurant has been through a lot over the years, but if you spiced up your burgers maybe people would come back to your place for reasons other than the, uh, family atmosphere and awesome puns.
Without further ado, our burgers!
Hummus a Tune Burger – Nicole Clark
The ingredients: Beef for the patty, along with an egg, panko breadcrumbs, salt and pepper; chickpeas, cannellini beans, lemon, tahini, and garlic for the hummus; red peppers and arugula as toppings
The process: I’ve always wanted to make homemade hummus and this gave me a good excuse. I’m also severely lactose intolerant and wanted to select a burger that didn’t require cheese. The other dietary restriction I made was a gluten-free bagel for a traditional bun. We also substituted lettuce for arugula just because I remembered wrong. While my friend made the patty and roasted the peppers, I focused on the hummus. The process was pretty simple – I prepared the ingredients and tossed them in a blender. Then we assembled everything.
The result: I would rate that 3 out of 5 spatulas – although the rating might have been higher had I gone more with my gut. The recipe didn’t call for enough lemon or garlic which made the hummus taste flat. Luckily, the paprika added acidity, and the arugula added a nice spiciness. With better hummus this would have been a 4 out of 5 for me!
The Unbreakable Kimchi Schmidt Burger – Chelsea Stark
The ingredients: Beef patties seasoned with salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion powder; Spring onion kimchi purchased at a local Korean grocery store; American cheese; lettuce; Bacon; mayonnaise mixed with some mirin to add sweetness; a toasted sesame bun
The process: I actually found this burger name from Bob’s Burger wiki list and not from the cookbook, so I tried to adapt a recipe that I feel best accentuates the spiciness and sourness of kimchi. I used a sweeter mayo and American cheese with salty bacon and fresh lettuce, which I hoped would balance things out.
The result: This burger has it all. As a pickle lover, kimchi added the flavors I wanted along with some satisfying heat. The only thing I would have liked would have been to shred the scallion kimchi even more as it provided a harder bite. But it all went so well with bacon and melted American cheese. I would definitely make this burger again so I give it 4 of 5 signed Boyz 4 Now posters.
Blue is the warmest cheeseburger – Pete Volk
The ingredients: Vegetarian Burger Patty, Hot Sauce, Butter, White Vinegar, Cayenne Pepper, White Onion, All-Purpose Flour, Milk, Blue Cheese, Celery, Bun, Lettuce
The process: I was drawn to this burger for two reasons. Crucial is my deep and abiding love for blue cheese. And in college, objectively speaking, I ate buffalo-chicken sandwiches for lunch way too often (shoutout to the South Campus Dining Hall at UMD). The idea of a burger simulating buffalo wings with blue cheese was too intriguing to pass up.
I tried to incorporate as much puns into the cooking process as possible and talk to the burger and the stove as if they were people like Bob. This mostly resulted in me talking to them like they’re a baseball player and I’m their manager? Lots to think about.
It was honestly pretty easy to make – it’s not a terribly complicated burger. But it’s a two-sauce burger, which means lots of pots and pans to use. And because our kitchen is about the size of a cupboard, we practically had to be standing in the fridge for the above pictures. But that’s more of a US problem.
The result: It was pretty good! I was expecting it to taste more like hot sauce but that’s not a complaint! The hot sauce was instead a nice undercurrent of the dominant blue cheese flavor (and I was perfectly fine with that). The celery is gone, which isn’t a complaint either – but if you want it to stand out as part of the meal, consider adding it as a fresh ingredient on the side (and dipping it into your leftover sauces – we cut it in half ). recipe but still had way too much blue cheese sauce). Bob’s avoidance of seasoning his burgers isn’t a bad thing with this one since the patties contain the hot sauce, but we still added some salt and pepper (come on, Bob!).
I will give these 3.5 out of 5 Kuchi Kopis. We also ate it while watching Spy x familyand eat a burger Bob’s burger while watching another animated show about a dysfunctional family at work was perfect. An important note for aspiring burger makers: My household has many dietary restrictions and we have used many substitutes. Your experience may be different!
Inside the House Burger’s Cauliflower Cumin – Sadie Gennis
The ingredients: Cauliflower, Olive Oil, Whole Milk, Cilantro, Cumin, Lime Juice, Ground Beef, Pepper Jack Cheese, Lettuce, Tomato
The process: The first thing that struck me reading through the recipe was how little spice there was, so we decided to step up the flavors at every step of the process. This proved particularly necessary for the cauliflower “mash,” which was less of a mash and more of mashed, crisp florets. We added more cumin, coriander, and lime juice, as well as salt, pepper, and paprika, which saved the cauliflower from being a boring concoction into something that was actually pretty decent. I also love a spice and was a bit horrified to see there wasn’t a single one in the recipe. While my husband worked on the patties, I rushed to make a garlic aioli to spread on the toasted buns. (You’ll never find me toasting a bun. It’s just the superior way to eat burgers and hot dogs.)
The result: It was perfectly fine! My husband and I both thought it would probably have been better with ground beef – although we’ll never confirm that suspicion, having agreed we won’t be making this burger again. We used the leftover cauliflower as a side to our salmon dinner the next night, so that was a nice bonus. Overall the burger had some interesting flavors and textures but it didn’t feel quite balanced so I have to give it a go 3 out of 5 beef squats. The aioli, on the other hand, was delicious.
Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-Dot Zucchini Burger – Zosha Millman
The ingredients: Impossible burger meat (our substitute), zucchini, olive oil, yellow peppers, dill, plain yogurt, brioche buns
The process: These sliders were all pretty easy to construct (although this review is from my partner who is the real chef between us). Like others on this list, our house took liberties with spice in the patty and sautéed zucchini. And like others on this list, we would do it again.
The result: Even though we placed the yogurt sauce in the wrong place, you would hardly tell how the burger tasted. The crunch from the peppers! The zucchini and yogurt flavors! All of this mixed with the earthiness of the burger in a way that gave you the full effect with every bite. We both agreed that the burger felt like a 4 out of 5 grill masters – a really delicious burger, if not the best burger ever.
Go all out on Black Garlic Burger – Danette Chavez
The ingredients: Black Garlic, Mayonnaise, Ground Beef, Baby Spinach, Salt, Black Pepper, Sriracha, Mozzarella, Brioche Buns
The process: I thought I would be very strategic in choosing this burger because it has a pretty simple recipe. Little did I know how difficult it would be to find black garlic; I went to Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, and Standard Market before finally remembering there’s an H Mart within the city limits. But once I secured the black garlic, the burger came together easily. Having already been warned about sub-seasoning, I used my own mix* for the patty and tried to follow the mayo recipe. Black garlic has a very subtle flavor, so we tried not to overwhelm it with Sriracha, but we wanted the spice to have some kick.
The result: Despite my Homeric journey in search of an elusive ingredient, keeping things simple has paid off. The burger was, shall we say, a bit basic, but it was undeniably delicious. I enjoyed the crunch of the baby spinach and the creaminess of the mozzarella. And the untoasted brioche bun, while fluffy, provided good support for the patty without soaking up all of the mayo. I would give 3.5 “Order on!” Bells.
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