Most people ask themselves normal questions like, “Will it rain later?” and “What should I have for dinner tonight?” Many Elden ring player are not normal, which has led to some wondering if he can defeat the game’s bosses just by ass-banging. And because This is Elden ring the answer is: of course.
Productive soulborn Speedrunner Distortion2 has run out of ways to smash FromSoftware’s latest hit. Just yesterday he managed to beat the game using all the tricks and exploits at his disposal in less than 10 minutes. But over the weekend he completed an equally impressive and 10 times more absurd feat by killing Malenia and Elden ring‘s other big bosses only with his butt.
Not his actual bum, mind you – this category still lures any battered willing to soil their checkers. Rather, he utilized the ground pound of his character that fills him up Mario to all manner of Eldritch-inspired horrors. Ground Slam is an Ash of War upgrade that drops from Teardrop Scarabs near Mistwood. Distortion2 started picking that up first, after which the whole ass came loose.
“This run started strong and slowly descended into desperation,” he wrote in the description for a highlight video
Armed with a shield, a spear, and tons of pre-fight buffs, Distortion knocked Margit, Godrick, Rennala, Radahn, and many others into submission. A Crystalian also gets a taster on the side. While Distortion2’s Ground Slam deals good damage, it has tremendous Wind and fails to capitalize on most openings.
“Our butts are about to get a big, big upgrade,” Distortion2 says in the middle of the video. After defeating the Earth Tree Avatar near the Great Waterfall Crest, he obtains the Avatar’s Staff, which grants the Earth Tree Slam weapon skill. “Now this thing, this thing, hehehe, this thing is animal.”
He then picked up more bosses. “Show him how deliciously broad your cheeks are,” goaded the chat during a fight against another Earthtree. Distortion2 was kicked in the butt by the fire giant a little later, But he kept going, accumulating more upgrades and killing more bosses, until he eventually faced off against the Elden Beast itself and prevailed.
“It’s done,” Distortion2 sighs at the end. I shudder to think what he will try next.
