I’m not entirely up to speed on the laws regarding the sale of marijuana here in New York, but to circumvent certain restrictions, there are a few stores here where instead of buying weed, you’ll “technically” buy something else and get some weed for free with your purchase. That’s how I ended up at a local store where I walk in every few weeks, pick out some edibles, and give away $40 for…a random item Pokemon Card, with the edibles as a “free gift”. (The probably has nothing to do with it Japan is completely running out of cards. Probably.)
Well, I don’t know about them either Pokemon TCG. In fact, I’ve never played Pokemon game in my life. So when I rank the cards I got from my friendly neighborhood marijuana store, I don’t do it by their rarity or value (they’re basically all worthless) or usefulness as cards in your deck, I just do it by coupons for the purchase I made.
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How well does the map match the mood of the experience I’m looking for? I’m very used to seeing unauthorized artwork of Garfield or Bart Simpson smoking a bowl or going crazy in weed shops, but some of the creatures and characters on the cards I got could make even better ambassadors for the green Herbs give off relaxing properties. So let’s start. From the worst to the best, it’s all here Pokemon
11. Duration
Sorry, no, this is just all wrong. This is the opposite of cold. An ant-like creature in an aggressive stance, using its “adversities”? I can feel my fight-or-flight response kick in just looking at it. I’m trying to relax here, man. Go away.
10. Rubber gloves
This is a non-sequitur only. I could stretch the truth and say, “Whoa man, yeahhhhh, sometimes I get so high I feel like I’m wearing rubber gloves” or something, but I don’t. I can’t relate this in any way to my experience of getting high.
9. Poochyena
Poochy here is kinda cute! However, the cool winter landscape isn’t quite the vibe I’m looking for, and there are other pocket monsters that I can imagine a lot more enjoying the effects of a 10mg meal, so this ranks pretty low on the list List.
8. Fire Energy
If I were a smoker this could be ranked much higher, but I’m not. I’m terrible at smoking. I’ve never gotten used to the feeling of heat entering my lungs and I get fits of coughing very often. As someone who only takes edibles, that’s not really my cup of tea, but I recognize that for many people, the flame is an integral part of the alchemy that gets them high.
7. Charmander
Speaking of flame, here we have one of the few Pokemon that I actually know by name. I wouldn’t normally think of Charmander as the mascot of my weed purchase—sorry, the card I buy when I get free weed—but the art here scores big. This Charmander looks like he’s in the mood. Perhaps it’s in that headspace where even the most mundane things can seem amazing, and it’s saying, “Whoa, cool!” while lazily marveling at its own fire-breathing abilities.
6. Klobpopus
Now we’re really getting ahead! I had never heard of Clobbopus before getting this card (or, for that matter, any of the Pokemon you’ll see later on this list), but also the eyes (which I interpret as a bit blissful). like the pulsating natural scenery, are a pretty fitting accompaniment to my little crime candies. “That’s where I want to go,” as they say, and with something to eat, I can imagine Clobbopus and I chilling together on a beautiful shoreline.
5. Green Energy
I mean it’s green energy. It’s not particularly inspired or anything, but it’s green and has a leaf on it. As a Pokemon Card you might get at a weed shop, it goes well with the bill. Simple and clean.
4. Swablu
Yes! Swablu, take me on your puffy…cloud wings? I don’t know how Swablu works in the games, but I assume it floats carefree through the air.
3. Great Helm
lol It has “pot” in its name.
2. Shinx
Now this animal looks as high as a kite. All staring at nothing with wide eyes and big smiles on their faces. It’s in its happy place, feels one with the universe, and that’s where I want to be too.
1. Cheryl
Okay, I’m cheating a bit here by using the full screen version in the image above, which is actually worth about $15. The one I got from my local shop is the standard version, but while the art is smaller, the mood is the same. I want Cheryl to bring me the special strain of weed that she grew in the Sinnoh region climate. I want YouTube ASMR RPGs from Cheryl, who comforts me with personal attention while tending to her Pokemon and her plants. She is the absolute embodiment of the energy I want to achieve when I put something edible in my mouth.
So thanks, friendly local Pokemon Card Shop, for the free weed you give me when I spend $40 on a card that’s actually only worth $0.10. The pairing definitely increases my appreciation for what both elements have to offer.
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