FFXIV Endwalker is coming, but I’m busy hunting cool mounts

Oh crap, sorry, I should have told you about the splash zone.
Gif: Square Enix / Kotaku

the Hype around End converter‘s upcoming launch recently pushed me back into the arms of Final Fantasy XIV. However, instead of doing the smart thing and working my way through the litany of the main story quests of the massively multiplayer role-playing game to catch up in time for the expansion’s release on November 23rd, I started looking for mounts. And of the many possibilities, a sneezing boy has a special place in my heart.

My love affair with mounts began with that Quartz insignia. I have no lasting fondness for Final Fantasy XV, but to see his iconic automobile return Final Fantasy XIV aroused a strange hunger. I wanted to fly this beefy muscle car around Eorzea, but more importantly, I wanted to be seen fly the beefy muscle car through Eorzea.

As relatively new FFXIV Player, I don’t have any accomplishments to brag about or great outfits to beat up other players in. Here, I thought, was an easy way to increase my swag exponentially.

Mounts, if you’re unfamiliar with MMOs, are items – cars, horses, planes, and all sorts of other modes of transport – that you can use to quickly zoom through the genre’s vast digital worlds instead of jogging around on foot like an idiot. In its decades of existence Final Fantasy XIV‘s stable with rideable creatures and contraptions has opened nearly 200 mounts, with different requirements – from leveling to paying real money – to unlock.

An easy way to acquire Final Fantasy XIV Mounts consists of participating in the game’s regular events where you can interact with characters from other games or celebrate the fantasy version of a real vacation. Such an event recently saw Final Fantasy XV handsome boy Noctis mysteriously teleported according to Hydaelyn (the planet on which FFXIV takes place) and it was up to the players to help him repair his iconic motor vehicle, the Quartz Regalia, so he could return home.

Whenever the event, first introduced in 2019, returns Final Fantasy XIV, it unlocks several specials Final Fantasy XV-Themed articles. For example, Noctis’ all-black casual outfit is rewarded for completing the event’s short questline but wanting to complete the ensemble with the prince’s swoopy hairstyle and car (which is in FFXIV acts as a four-seat mount) you must take a trip to a casino called The Gold Saucer.

A futuristic muscle car with a tiny lady behind the wheel.

Help me, this car is huge.
Screenshot: Square Enix / Kotaku

Yes, that’s how I got into the world of Final Fantasy XIV Gambling.

The Gold Saucer is a palace of distractions, all of which are paid out in a unique currency known as Manderville Gold Saucer Points (MGP). For example, you can take part in chocobo races or Maple story-Style Jump quests. There are several lotteries out there, some of which promise huge MGP rewards. The casino even regularly hosts tournaments for Triple Triad, the card game from Final Fantasy VIII. It’s a really cool place that I’m only now starting to appreciate.

However, all of this pales in comparison to the MGP featured in the Fashion report, a weekly challenge of finding clothing that comes closest to the themes of the contest organizer, an NPC named Masked Rose. Every Tuesday, Masked Rose gives you a new fashion challenge with vague requirements like “vagabond” gloves or something “avant-garde” for your feet, and it’s up to you Final Fantasy XIV Player to find out what he means and construct a unique outfit.

Up to 60,000 MGP can be won through the Fashion Report and a little help from Kaiyoko Star, a Reddit user Posts Fashion Report Solutions every Friday. Thanks to Kaiyoko’s insights, I have reliably put tens of thousands of MGP into my coffers every week, which helped me a lot in my search for a Regalia mount for the price of 200,000 MGP. But once I got the car in my possession, it felt hollow. Did I really deserve it? I tried flying it around a few times but quickly got back to my trusty chocobo.

Since I was just getting started, I wasn’t there for the dark ages Final Fantasy XIV‘s first launch and subsequent rebirth under popular producer Naoki Yoshida. I watched YouTube videos in my spare time to learn more about that time, especially the wonderful one Noclip documentation about how the MMO restarted.

At one point, host Danny O’Dwyer explains how the players came together to form a wall of Goobbues in one of the game’s greatest cities (see video above) when the original world came to a disastrous end. I fell in love with her straight away big, goofy looking monsters, and you can probably see where this is going.

While I was baffled that these original Goobbue mounts are no longer available, I soon learned that the Laurel goobbue Variety is still offered as a reward for strengthening relationships with a beast tribe – here’s how FFXIV refers to non-playable races, which kind of sucks – known as the sylphs. All you have to do is do little quests daily and basically do grunts for the fairies until they think you are cool. At some point, they’ll think you’re cool enough to get yourself a Laurel Goobbue horn that adds this adorable creature to your retinue of mounts.

After faithfully completing these Beast Tribe quests for several days, it felt like a much greater accomplishment to earn my Laurel Goobbue than simply following someone’s dressing instructions. Of course, I appreciate the community’s efforts that are invested every week in solving the Fashion Report, but helping the Sylph was a special way of getting me further into the world of Final Fantasy XIVeven if the missions themselves weren’t that fun or engaging.

A fantasy warrior sits on top of a wrinkled, green monster in a marketplace.

Just chill with my Goobbue.
Screenshot: Square Enix / Kotaku

And seriously, just look at the guy. He’s got a special sneeze button and everything. What a cutie!

Sometimes it’s not about having the coolest clothes or the wildest mount. I just enjoy riding from quest to quest on my glorious Goobbue. Maybe it’s because of the extra work I put into getting it, or maybe I just treat traditionally ugly things with all the love and respect that is shown to their more aesthetically pleasing counterparts.

I’m sure future updates will bless us with more great mounts, but I don’t think I’ll be giving up my Goobbue anytime soon.

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