Mixing G-fuel with alcohol is a bad idea

I made a mistake over the weekend.

I do not know what happened. Maybe it was the excitement of the moment. After all, it was the first time in over a year that I had a (vaccinated) friend in my apartment to just hang out. Or maybe it was the nature of our plans: we wanted to watch season two of The circle, such a bad Netflix reality show about a group of people who are crammed into a residential building and can only communicate via a “social network” that consists only of smoke and mirrors. If we were shining trash in our eyes, why not throwing trash in our bodies too?

More, mMy friend asked for caffeine and I had a canister of it Eternal fate-themed G fuel I’ve been sitting in my kitchen for a month. So I suggested we mix it with alcohol.

The cocktail was about as straight forwardrward how you can get a drink that contains an ingredient called “Spicy Demon’ade”. It was a serving of G Fuel (reconstituted with water), a few generous dashes of vodka, and some simple syrup. In terms of taste, it was acceptable after overcoming the initial attack on my nostrils. The Demon’ade powder should be classified as an airborne virus. This is its ability to travel confusing distances and sharply besieging multiple senses. Even when I mixed this drink in, I had to sneeze several times before my body’s natural defense systems decided to surrender and prepare for death.

But it was the aftermath of drinking this cocktail that really got me. After a few sips and 10-15 minutes, I felt like I was looking at the world from two dark, misty tunnels. I didn’t feel drunk, nor did I feel wired, nor did I feel drunk as it often comes with a vodka Red Bull. Everything felt easy out. My heart was racing and my limbs heavy, but these sensations were in the form of distant pain, rather than immediate concern. I had incredible trouble keeping track of anything that was happening The circle, a problem that I didn’t have when looking at it soberly. In spite of all of this, I found myself coherent. It didn’t feel like anything was wrong with the words that came out of my mouth until I opened them up and started producing them. I don’t remember a lot of what I said, but I remember a not insignificant amount of it being nonsense.

After doing some research, I found that I had managed to more or less recreate an earlier iteration of Four Loko, which Until an FDA intervention in 2010 contained caffeine and taurine– Two main components of G Fuel’s “energy formula”. I don’t think this actually put me at risk, but it made me feel like rubbish. My friend reported similar results. “My heart has been absolutely racing for 24 hours,” he said said on twitter. “Plus there’s so much chili powder in the mix that accidentally inhaling it looks like getting a shot of pepper spray in your face.”

I also discovered that many other people have considered trying this chalky combination but – to be sure – first asked the internet if they do so would literally kill you. And so I can tell anyone who Googles this exact question that based on a sample size of two young adult men, a G-Fuel cocktail looks like it won’t kill you as long as you can endure the first attack, a Uniquely painful brain reboot and potentially day-long side effects – so you probably just never do this.