There are two ways to play a beat ’em up. You can Carefully learn all the moves, practicing them as you progress through the early levels until you’ve mastered your character’s moveset and masterfully plow your way forward with balletic performances. Or you can Just randomly press all the buttons and hope.
For reasons that deserve many other articles, there’s a really nasty intolerance among gamers towards those who aren’t proficient in a particular genre. As we’ve seen multiple times, when a games critic is brave enough to upload a video of them being bad at a game, the reaction from the loudest parts of the internet is really scary, real torch-and-pitchfork rage. Driven by fear, as are all these reactions, the mere notion that someone might be willing to show weakness threatens these mobs on an existential level. In other news, I’m terrible at beat ’em ups.
I’ve always been terrible to them since their first run in the 1980’s as a child. Not because I wouldn’t be able to master it, as it’s clearly a skill that can be learned. But because I’m just unwilling and uninterested in putting in the required amount of practice before I start being good. For me, pThese games feel like homework, huge lists of moves to memorize, keyboard shortcuts to practice, then enemy attack patterns to learn, and guess what? I had other things to do. In the 80s it walked around and fell in nettles. In the ’90s, it was snogging and failing exams. Or more truthfullyenjoy other types of games like FPS, RPGs, platform games, and adventure.
But I still played beat ’em ups! Mostly demos of course or in arcades or on a friend’s Mega Drive. I was just terrible to them. Whether side scrolling a la streets of angeror fighting games like yours street fightermy approach was this tried and tested shortcut behind all the learning and practice: button-mashing The movements you could perform with this immature technique were overwhelmingallowing your character to unleash attacks your more dedicated companion has never seen before.
“How did you do the?!” they would cry.
“I don’t know,” would be my angry reply. “I guess I was just pressing those buttons while pounding on the directional pad?”
It is surprising how effective this technique is to this day. Like a newcomer to a poker table, the button masher can be the most impossible opponent, unpredictable simply by not being aware of the right things. Sometimes you can scoop the whole pot with 7-2.You should have folded suit before the flop when it hits a full house simply because you were moving towards it with card suits.
Does that also apply to Shredder’s revenge? Well, to a certain extent. In the easiest mode, it seems quite possible to beat most of the levels and still have a lot of fun. BBut what kind of ridiculousness is this? I am 44 years old. I have no excuse for approaching these games this way these days. I pride myself on my ability not to fall into nettles and I no longer need to fail exams. I’ve got kisses on tap. I could just learn the moves, right?
But something in me still resists. I’ve read the painfully long list of keyboard shortcuts, and tried to memorize as many as possible. I’ve tried peeling them off as I play through the levels and have found that rolling past and then kicking backwards is a technique effective enough that most of the time a level can be completed just by doing it. Cheesing I think it’s called. But then a new enemy type shows up and I immediately find myself banging away to see if it’s obtainable.
Not to mention the boss fights. Far from someone as incapable of criticism as I am Shredder’s revenge, but I’m not keen on the boss fights. As someone who hates the mere concept of such things, at least I can tell when there’s a pattern to learn and exploit. Here the Turtles’ bigger baddies seem to be begging for a spiky approach, so unpredictable are their approaches and so frequently do they spawn other regular enemies to break any sense of deliberate attack. I managed to get past a large number of them just by getting close enough and pushing all at the same time.
I can only imagine how exasperating reading this must be for anyone approaching the game with any degree of finesse or skill. But I think it’s also helpful for those who are wondering if they would have some nostalgic fun with it, fearing it would have been infected and contaminated by the worst aspects of modern gaming. Luckily, the bane of games that are too hard for their own sake hasn’t hit our Turtle friends, and you’re still going to have loads of fun if you don’t have the patience or skill to master its millions of moves. Especially if you’re playing with someone who isn’t interested in edgelording either, because then you can laugh and enjoy yourself even when things go wrong. In fact, it’s easier than the classic racquets of the early ’90s.
In the end my strange reaction to Shredder’s revenge was wishing there were less of it but more to do. Levels like the terrifying hoverboarding are so damn long, with a lot of replay, and really lacking in context Enjoy the more detailed places on foot. Also, after a while it just doesn’t feel like there’s enough to do, at least for a button masher. It’s so faithful to the games it’s based on, but I would have liked to see more inspiration of its own.
BBut if, like me, you don’t have the desire or ability to become great at this type of game, there’s definitely still fun to be found. Especially if you’re old enough to remember both the genre and the cartoon from the first time you saw it. So throw it away without a moment of shame.
