America had a normal week this week. Nothing important or extraordinary happened, and no ashamed proto-fascist insurgents with a wetter mouth than a slip left the highest office in the country. And yet for some reason we chose to center this week Split screen Podcast about presidents.
To kick off the episode, Fahey takes Ash and me through a list of the things real presidents and video game presidents have done, and we have a remarkably difficult time figuring out which is which. Did you know that one of our real human presidents – not one from a Hideo Kojima game – had a jaw that was partially made of vulcanized rubber? We neither. (It was Grover Cleveland, by the way.) Then we talk about our preferred and least preferred video game presidents, which allows us to get the mandatory mention of Michael Wilson Metal wolf chaos out of the way. Other halfway decent presidents: The Hardman out Death stranding and you, dear reader, out Saints Row IV. Finally, we discuss governance and how games often fail to convey the human effort of your presidential decisions – at least in a way that feels tangible or emotionally impactful.
Get the MP3 Hereand view an excerpt below.
Nathan: Let’s start with the worst president in any video game: Ronald Reagan, who is of course the youngest call of Duty. Even in that context, he’s a terrible president. He says, “Yeah, you know, maintaining world order requires a lot of extrajudicial killings, coups, and war crimes. But because we are Americans, it’s okay ”- much like real President Ronald Reagan. Say what you want about call of Duty, but at least they got that part right.
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So yeah, he’s the worst. Second worst is likely Elizabeth Winters out Defeat. So the future depicted in this game is a world plagued by overpopulation and climate change – so plausible.
Ash: Torn from the headlines.
Nathan: Law. To begin with, Russian terrorists are taking over a space station that the US uses to harvest solar energy, which seems pretty important at this point. Then they turn it into a mega-weapon that wipes out San Francisco. I assume the Russians said, “We were just watching Planet of the Apes: PrevolutionAnd we need a city to aim for, and I’m thinking of San Francisco. I just can’t get it out of my head. Let’s blow this up again. “Anyway, then you fight your way through the space station and find that the president is behind the whole thing as a pretext for war with Russia. There are many easier and less destructive ways to start a war with Russia.
Fahey: Yes, just declaring war would probably be enough. And it actually helps organize a coup to take over the leadership of Russia. I think after the powers stabilize they can invade or attack. She is responsible for the deaths of millions.
Nathan: In the end, she dies by suicide because … video games! To be fair, all about Defeat is as maximalistic as possible, so you might as well lead this to the bitterest possible conclusion.
Fahey, who is the president you least like in video games other than fictional video game president Ronald Reagan?
Fahey: It’s another president who dies by suicide most of the time. I say “it” because my least favorite President John Henry Eden is out Fallout 3. He’s a great speaker. You say, “This guy is nice. This guy is a man of the people. This guy … is an AI built from the thoughts and guidelines of various presidents. He’s really terrible and he wants to start a civil war. “Nine times out of ten you cause yourself to self-destruct. They pull old Captain Kirk: “If so, then what, robot?” and the robot says, “Ahhhhh, boom.” So this is John Henry Eden. He’s not even human.
Nathan: However, he’s one of the more accurate presidents of video games as they put together a ton of different presidents and what they invented was genocide.
Fahey: I agree. He wanted to get rid of anyone who wasn’t human and start over. You know, the best way to make sure humanity is intact is to kill anything that isn’t human.
Ash: I mean logically.
Fahey: That’s why he was bad. But he had a beautiful speaking voice.
Ash: My least favorite president – I think that counts – may not be president of an entire country, but he is de facto the president, if not du jour: President Shinra von Final Fantasy VII. He is the man at the helm of the fun-loving company that built this stratified city that has no qualms about destroying its citizens in the service of its ends. It’s just this really bleak dystopian urban society that he runs. I mean, Shinra is de facto the ruler of Midgar.
Nathan: Right, it’s basically what would happen if we let Facebook or Tesla expand indefinitely forever. We’d only get Shinra.
Ash: Yes. They suck life out of the planet as it is, and by “suck out life” I mean brainwashing all of our older people into believing conspiracy theories.
Nathan: And, in line with the genocide theme, one could argue that dropping a huge plate on every poor person in the city is a form of genocide.
Slight tangent, but I got away from playing Final Fantasy VII Remake I can’t understand why anyone likes Reno or Rude – both of which play the most important roles in making sure the plate falls. Fuck her You are terrible people!
Ash: They are terrible people, but people also think that they are cool and hot. People want to make her kiss. But when you think about it now, it’s like these people suck a lot. I think they sucked less in the first game, but their roles expanded Remake so that their suction power is more frequent. In the original, they looked like those henchmen chasing Cloud and Aerith, like “Nyeheheheh, I’ll get you next time”, but in RemakeThey are active assholes.
Another ran for presidents I don’t like: whoever Giancarlo Esposito will be Far Cry 6. He doesn’t seem like a great guy.
Fahey: Isn’t he more of a president?
Ash: That’s a president.
Nathan: Yes, that’s just the word “President” in another language.
Fahey: No, no, it’s like going to a “restaurant”.
Ash: Isn’t that another restaurant?
Fahey: No, it’s an amazing, magical place.
For all of that and more, check out the episode. New episodes drop every Friday, so don’t forget to like and subscribe to them Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. If you’re feeling inclined to do so, leave a review and feel free to send us a message at [email protected] with any questions or suggestion. If you want to yell at us directly, you can reach us on Twitter: Ash is @adashtraFahey is @ OnkelFaheyand Nathan is @ Vahn16. Until next week!
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