That our beloved Henry Cavill no longer plays Geralt of Rivia in the series The Witcher from Netflix does not mean that the character has stopped being cool. Yes in a way because actor Liam Hemsworth has yet to prove his worth as a witch, but the character goes far beyond this version.
As an unconditional fan of The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt and the works of Andrzej Sapkowski, I love finding any reference to this universe in other works. And the Fortnite skin is not worth it. For example, I have spent hundreds of hours searching for clues in Cyberpunk 2077 and, although there were some, they were fewer than many of us expected.
I usually expect references to other things in any movie, series, anime or video game. I love them! My recent return to Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands was no exception and it turns out that it is the place to wait for them: Gearbox Software included winks and easter eggs to fill a book… And! The Witcher He had quite a mission!
The Ditcher: Don’t touch the touching things!
I was lucky enough to get to that moment without having the slightest idea about this mission, so the surprise was genuine. An NPC gave me a quest called “The Ditcher”, which took me to the Suntooth Oasis (Las Dulciarenas). I dropped the controller on my desk to put my hands over my mouth and say out loud: “Nah, there’s no way they’ve made a mission for The Witcher.”
I entered the Oasis and a few meters after entering I found a Hess Sentinel who told me: “Listen to me! You are allowed to contemplate all the greatness of our Oasis, but you can’t touch anything. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Next I did what any Borderlands player would do: Touch things! A piece of wardrobe in the shape of a dismal tomb. He had no weapons or anything, but an evil laugh sounded. It was something like opening a Pandora’s box.
The voice of a Mysterious Tramp echoed in my communicator. “What were you thinking, you ignorant vermin?” she said. “Who are you who dares to talk to me like that?” my character replied eloquently. “I am Gerritt from Trivia, monster hunter, demon scourge and witch seducer. I protect this world for money.” One of those laughs that catches you by surprise escaped me.
Apparently, he had freed the spirit of Sarissa, the snake goddess of water. I couldn’t take an evil goddess with that name seriously…and I still can’t. Nor to Gerritt, who left me stranded as soon as the first corrupt soap operas appeared. Upon returning, Geralt’s cheap version guides me to the classic throne room… but he leaves me stranded before the next fight, but not before saying “Walking is for peasants. See you there.” It turned out bourgeois!
Gerritt says I must break some seals and that there is a very convenient prophecy on the matter. “The first seal will be broken by someone completely idiotic. Talk about you, anyway.” In addition to bourgeois, vinegars! The witcher’s next comment almost made me cry with laughter: “Come on, you must have heard about me. The bards never stop praising my exploits.” […] I once lay with a woman while riding a unicorn.” In my defense I will say that the dubbing of the Borderlands It is usually exquisite. “That’s the most magical thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life!” my character shouted.
“I’m too busy fighting real monsters right now. Finish this garbage in the meantime.” I wanted to like Gerritt, but he’s even nastier than Geralt. According to what she told me (not without disrespecting me several times), he had to unite the three fragmented aspects of the goddess to revive her and then kill her.
Once you’ve taken care of that, we’ll take care of releasing Salissa’s physical form. As for me, I… I’ll fight other monsters and reconnect reagents for oils, and potions and things… that will help us against Salissa. You will have to manage without help. Or put another way: shut up and fluff your wings.
The rest of the story is the classic errand boy mission of killing bugs and gathering materials like a madman to complete the conditions of the ritual that Gerritt wants to perform. Meanwhile, the game included some dialogues with sublime references. Let’s see if you catch the following dialogue:
Gerritt: You must travel a dangerous path. First head towards…
Character: Nah, don’t worry, I have a marker on the map. Don’t worry.
Gerritt: Do you possess Intuition? For that you have to train for years. I may have misjudged you. Maybe, but I doubt it.
The fool believes he is the only one who has the senses of a witch. You will see the day Gerritt discovers what maps, minimaps and compasses are. The vinegar is going to blow you away! After this new lack of respect, I continued with my indiscriminate killing of corrupt snakes… and not corrupt ones because I didn’t care. Anyone with a red life on his head ended up dead.
I continued to advance the mission, killing everything killable and enduring Gerritt’s disrespect: “I would go with you, but I have a lot of things to do right now. You know, monsters, killing monsters, collecting reagents, messing around with “titis, kill more monsters. Anyway, those things.” At that point, it is inevitable to think that he is a trash, streetlight hugger, ash, puppet, thief, nonsense and other stronger insults that I can’t say. And yes, they are in alphabetical order because I googled “educated insults.”
The mission started to get weird and convoluted: it referenced a reference he made The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt (Blood and Wine) to Alice in Wonderland and other classic stories. I entered the so-called Well of Wonders, a place where physics doesn’t work very well. Do you think Gerritt helped me?
Look, as much as I love walking you through this whole process, I have gorgeous women to sleep with and jealous husbands to avoid. You follow Intuition and get by.
He didn’t even bother to hide the fact that he was killing monsters, but it didn’t matter: he already had all the necessary elements to resurrect Salissa and give her the beating of her life. Needless to say, she didn’t have the slightest help from the witcher… or whatever this version of Geralt’s 20 duros is. “I guess I’ll give you the honor of fighting at my side, but I want to make one thing clear: don’t get in my way.”
Evil Goddess Salissa didn’t even last me two minutes thanks to my status ailment damage build, but at least it was longer than Gerritt was able to stand. She literally couldn’t take two wafers. How can she be so quick about bed issues… And I assume she died during the fight, because she didn’t speak out again afterwards. In summary: Gerritt from Trivia died being a great reference to Geralt, but a witcher as lousy as his name seemed to indicate. Thank you, Tiny Tina’s Wonderlandsfor this wonderful mission!
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