I rarely walk out of a movie theater thinking “I really wasted 90+ minutes of my life watching this”. Usually, I take something away from whatever I watch, be it joy or excitement at best, anger or frustration at worst. These negative emotions at least mean that I felt something, feelings I can process and talk about. But when I walked out of the Borderlands movie, I think the only thing I felt was… apathy? A general feeling of “what was the point?” This is probably the harshest thing I can say about any work of art, but calling the Borderlands movie “art” is a bit too generous.
The film adaptation of Borderlands has been in the works since 2015, and it’s finally here ten years later. No one knows how the story was originally conceived, but here’s what we end up with: Lilith (Cate Blanchett) is a bounty hunter who doesn’t seem to care about anyone or anything, just the next paycheck. The head of a large corporation entrusts her with the task of rescuing his daughter, Little Tina (Ariana Greenblatt). Things don’t go exactly as planned, and she and Tina embark on a journey together, along with Roland (Kevin Hart), the mercenary who kidnapped Tina, Krieg (Florian Munteanu), a hunk who doesn’t talk much, Patricia Tannis (Jamie Lee Curtis), a doctor obsessed with finding the legendary vault, and Squawk (Jack Black), an annoying robot who tells too many insufferable jokes.
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Overall, it’s a strong cast. Both Blanchett and Curtis are Oscar-winning actresses. You’d think that prestige would permeate the film. But as the star of No Man’s Land, Blanchett’s performance feels like it’s frustrated by regret. She’s previously explained that she took the role to avoid the madness during the COVID-19 lockdown, but that energy is nowhere to be seen in the finished product. Every line seems to underscore her uncertainty about why she’s there, and it affects everyone else, too.
Hart continues his painfully unfunny streak, and despite playing an experienced soldier, he struggles to seem cool at any point. Munteanu’s rendition of Drax is watered down, lacking the charisma of Dave Bautista. I thought Curtis was OK. She’s experienced enough to pull off most roles – similar to Blake. That being said, his portrayal of Kramp Trapp made me laugh once, and all the other jokes failed to work. At least Greenblatt looks like she’s having fun, even if her days as a Disney Channel actress are clearly still wearing on her.
There’s literally no development of any of these characters either. I won’t spoil it for you, but the only change that anyone really goes through is Lilith, and anyone who’s played the games will see that the big reveal is coming when you watch the movie. However, anyone who hasn’t played the games won’t know why they should care, because there’s no emotion attached to her development – everything plods along because the plot needs to happen, not because it has something to say about the world. Every other character is relegated to a “joke or troublemaker” role, and plot threads are constantly abandoned just to rush to the end. Somehow, it’s both boring and exhausting.
Must have Some A life saver? Maybe some strong directing, or some interesting kinetic energy from the cinematography? No! At best, every scene is formulaic—the first time we meet Roland and Tiny Tina (the first characters we see in the film), they’re both shot in medium close-ups, in classic reverse shots. Really? That’s how you want us to meet these characters? Lifeless. Unchanging. It’s crystal clear that there’s little to see for the next 100 minutes.
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Even the action scenes, which you’d think would take center stage in a Borderlands adaptation, feel messy and lifeless. The editing is frantic, and you lose a sense of space because the camera is so close to the characters at any given moment. That’s a shame, because the film does have some impressive set pieces, but they’re rarely used to their full potential. It all feels like a wasted opportunity. The world of Borderlands is interesting, but none of this is showcased in any meaningful way.
After all of this, I can’t help but ask, “What’s the point?” Honestly, I don’t understand. I mean, I know the real answer; the purpose is to cash in on an existing hit IP and cash in on the summer movie boom. And of course, to boost video game sales. What’s the point? no Here we bring something new: a new perspective on the world of video games. After all, that’s what helped the Fallout TV series break into the mainstream.
The Borderlands movie exists simply to exist. Clearly, no one on the crew wanted to make something that no one else had ever seen; the purpose of the movie was to make money. Sure, much of Hollywood is like that these days, but the movie feels like a glaring example of this empty, creatively drained crime. Don’t watch Borderlands — just ask your friends who love games to explain to you how good they really are. You’ll have more fun.
