Hello everyone. Welcome to Friday. You made it to the end of the week. Congratulations. I have something special for you all: Taco Bell’s 2024 Live Mas event. What is that? It’s basically a Taco Bell mini-E3 complete with musical performances, announcements and all the spooky moments you’d want from something like this. Yes, if you guessed that this would be some weird, late-capitalist fever dream, you’re right.
I had no idea this event was happening until someone on Twitter started tweeting about it. I immediately dropped everything and started looking.
The event started with the CEO of Taco Bell appearing and talking about how great the fast food chain is and how everyone can enjoy their giant tacos and burritos. To illustrate this, He referenced a tweet that I’m 98% sure is a joke
There was even more excitement after that, and I’ll be honest with all of you: If you tuned in to this event to find out any major news about the Baja Blast or what’s next on Taco Bell’s menu, you were probably a little frustrated about the excitement was put into this Ubisoft conference from 2015.
At some point, someone started handing out awards for Best Menu Hack and Best Taco Bell Wedding. Later the whole event was stopped for a few minutes Two guys play acoustic music. They sounded good, but camera shots of the crowd (including one guy’s hat that said “Wet Dreams Surf Club”) seemed to indicate that the room wasn’t in that mood at all and just wanted to know what new slop Taco Bell was is fell.
Finally, after almost 30 minutes…whatever Finally, Taco Bell Chief Marketing Officer Taylor Montgomery arrived to deliver some Taco Bell product news to thunderous applause and cheers. The news: Taco Bell wants and plans to make its popular nacho fries a permanent menu item. But they’re still trying to figure out how. OK…
Afterwards he gave us a shadow cast (it just is). HiFi Rush at the Xbox Developer Direct!) and announces a new “Cheesy Chicken Crispanda,” an empanada stuffed with shredded cheese and stuffed with chicken. People gasped (not kidding) when he confirmed that this new menu item would be available nationwide next week.
Next, he revealed that Taco Bell is adding chicken nuggets to the menu. At the sight of those fried chicken pieces, someone in the crowd shouted, “No way!” Montgomery quickly replied, “Yes, like that! Whoever said ‘No way’, YES, GIRL, GIRL!”
Then, after a few air horns, Montgomery revealed a new “very limited time” item: Baja Blast ice cream. The start is planned for this summer. I’m assuming at this point at least one person in the audience has fainted from all the Taco Bell news. It was just too much.
And for all you sauce crazy people, Taco Bell knows you’re tired of the boring old packets. That’s why they’re changing this year and we’ve taken a first look at the new ones. Exciting stuff, folks. I’m vibrating.
But Taco Bell wasn’t done yet. No. After all this, Montgomery showed a picture of a Crunchwrap and said, “Looks like a regular Crunchwrap, right?” Guys, this is your first clue that the man is going to trick you all. And he did it. Turns out it wasn’t a regular Crunchwrap (GASP!), but actually contained a giant Cheez-It.
“Ooohhhhhhh!!” went many people in the audience. “WAAHhh!” someone else screamed at the revelation.
“I present to you: the Cheez-It Crunchwrap!” More cheers followed. Montgomery says this new item will be available at every Taco Bell this summer. The event then ended with a rap break.
Enjoy the weekend folks and remember Live Mas!
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