The modern world of championship chess is not all about long games and mysterious openings. There is Twitch dramarobot that break children’s fingers, and now: anal beads. Last week, World Champion Magnus Carlsen lost to grandmaster Hans Niemann in a breathtaking upset. Allegations of cheating began to fill the air. But how would the alleged fraud have come about? As the hero we all needed on Reddit rushed to fill in the blank and suggest that Niemann could have used a sex toy to receive an encrypted message that would lead him to victory.
It doesn’t matter that the Reddit post was clearly a joke by someone extremely dedicated to this part. The theory is too compelling to ignore. It’s crazy, but only on the verge of feasibility. Perhaps that’s why a week after Niemann’s unlikely win, people can’t help but fixate on the fact that he’s vowed to play naked if that’s what people need to see to get away from it to convince that he did not cheat. But if you haven’t been following the latest drama in the chess world, let me go back and break it all down.
How did Niemann beat Carlsen?
That was the question on everyone’s mind as the 19-year-old managed to knock out the five-time world champion at the $500,000 Sinquefield Cup in St. Louis, Missouri last week. The two had never played before and Niemann was clearly the weaker and less experienced player. He also played as Black.
The two faced off on September 5 after three days of the tournament, with Carlsen making an early error and Niemann managing to force him into a difficult final. Grandchesstour Reports that a counter with his bishop on round 13 proved to be a particularly devastating response. It continued to go down until Carlsen finally lost on time.
It could have stayed that way – brilliant creative play from Niemann and a few unfortunate slips by Carlsen, both of whom continued as normal in the tournament – but the world champion instead went to twitter to cast a shadow of possible foul play over the entire affair. “I retired from the tournament,” he wrote, to everyone’s shock. A notorious one YouTube clip of European soccer coach and professional messy boy José Mourinho saying “when I speak I’m in big trouble” was attached. For his part, Niemann said he was prepared for the champion’s line of play because he did accidentally foreseen
A grandmaster Twitch star fans the flames
allegations of fraud were beginning to make their way around the Chess subreddit and social media, but streamer Hikaru “GMHikaru” Nakamura was one of the biggest names to start discussing the possibility on his platform. He mainly focused on a previous case of Niemann’s cheating on Chess.com, which the 19-year-old has admitted.
But he stopped saying that anything nefarious had ever happened “across the board,” that is, while Niemann was facing an opponent. He certainly hasn’t downplayed the allegations, and the drama made huge headway on Twitch and YouTube. Eventually even Félix “xQc” Lengyel tried to get into the action.
Niemann later fired back in his September 6 exit interview, criticizing Nakamura and denying that anything shameful had happened. “I’ve never cheated in an over-the-board game,” he said. “If they want me to strip completely naked, I’ll do it,” he later added in the interview.
He reserved his harshest words for Nakamura on twitter. “Hikaru plays the victim but seems to forget to spend hours of his stream criticizing all my interviews with frivolous insinuations,” he wrote the next day. “Maybe he deserves some blame and should take responsibility for what he said. After all, he now has 42% more subscribers.”
Okay, but what about the anal beads?
While there’s no evidence that Niemann cheated, that hasn’t stopped tons of people from speculating how he might have done it. tournaments are strict in their safetyand it’s not like you can start consulting a chess program (which Niemann has done in the past) while everyone is watching and your opponent is only a few yards away.
during one Chessbrah Twitch Stream After Niemann’s match, the chat offered anal beads as a solution. Canadian grandmasters Eric Hansen and Aman Hambleton started riffing on it and a German socket I wrote it all down. But one Reddit user went much further, suggesting that anal beads might have been involved. How exactly? “The actual answer is actually elementary,” the post began
The design for the Anal Bead Supercomputer was eventually stolen and used by Niemann against Carlsen. In fact, Niemann didn’t even know how to use them properly, but the signals from his anal beads interfered with the signals from Carlsen’s anal beads, which is why the latter played so poorly. In the end, however, Carlsen failed to disclose how Niemann cheated without implicating himself. Not quite the perfect chess thriller, but everything that makes a top comment on r/Chess. The user was showered with Reddit gold. Mods removed the post. But it was too late.
“Currently obsessed with the idea that Hans Niemann cheated at the Sinquefield Cup chess tournament using wireless anal beads that make him vibrate on correct moves,” wrote a Twitter user named Babble__ in a tweet from September 7th Link to Niemann’s post-tournament interview, which blew up immediately.
To reiterate, there’s still no evidence Niemann cheated, despite an announcement on September 8 that he would be removed from Chess.com did nothing to allay suspicions. And there’s certainly no evidence that anal beads were used in Carlsen’s stunning defeat. But what if the theory behind anal beads could actually work? The truth is out there for those brave enough to uncover it. One thing is for sure: all eyes will be on Niemann’s next match if he decides to play it nude. Do you hear the? It’s the sound of a new twitch meta brew. God forgive us.