Remember NFTs? They were so incredibly stupid and blatant fraud as of 2021, where people have – and you will laugh – sold the “rights” to JPEGs! Yes, I know, these things can be right-clicked and made infinitely. So silly. Anyway, Three years later everything collapsedUbisoft has released a game with the Grift.
Captain Laserhawk: The GAME is an attempt to revive what was once popular Far Cry 3 spin-off, Blood Dragonand the spin-off spin-off Netflix cartoon, Captain Laserhawknow as a top-down shooter with commentary from Rayman and associated benefits Assassin's Creed. Which at first glance sounds like someone fell over in the Ubisoft supply closet. But that's not all, because if you want to play, you have to have an NFT!
These are Niji Warrior cards that can be purchased via the game's website, where you then have to log into your “wallet” – as with all normal games. This is where your fake money and pictures are kept. In this case, you'll want to use something called Eden Online, Ubisoft's own universe creation. (You can also sign up with Coinbase or Walletconnect, but since I'm not a crypto bro, I don't have those things.) So, because I actually Am As an incredible games journalist, I had the thing integrated into my personal Gmail account. This apparently generated a wallet that I could link to the account, meaning I could “enter the photo booth.”
After being told repeatedly that I could “reveal” my card, I was redirected to a website called magiceden.io, a somehow surviving NFT “marketplace,” where I discovered that all 10,000 free options for “minting” a card were available were already taken. But I need my Niji Warrior card to play! So when I read how this “expansion of the Netflix series universe” was “built on the Arbitrum blockchain” and how these “10,000 AI-generated NFTs evolve based on your performance and engagement and exclusive in-game access -Unlock content.” Assets, governance rights and perks associated with iconic Ubisoft franchises like Assassin's Creed, Rayman and Splinter Cell,” I wondered if that was all was too late.
Only here, on a non-Ubisoft website, does small print in a section ironically titled “Vision” reveal that the “Mint” is part of an “Early Access for Niji Warrior Holders” that is in “full launch.” instead of 2025, although the game is listed as available throughout Ubisoft's website and store. It seems like we now have to click through to the “collection” to buy one of these from someone else. Suddenly, for some reason, I think of Egyptian architects.
I can't emphasize enough that Ubisoft's websites imply that you simply “disclose” your ID, with no mention of money, and that you need to purchase cryptocurrencies in order to play the actual game.
Speaking of playing the game, I thought I'd rather give it a try and see what you can do without destroying my crypto virginity. The first attempts, after I discovered that Ubisoft Connect had of course forgotten all my login details since the last time I had to use it, ended with error messages.
I was told the game was “Unable to start download (Code: 17006)” and also “(Code: 17017)”. The link to the support page told me to visit the Live Feed Update section in Ubisoft Help and refer to the latter. There is no Live Feed Update section on the Ubisoft help page. This is really very good.
Then, just as I was about to write this down, on another attempt the game downloaded successfully! (For some reason it refused to recognize my two gaming SSDs in the installation drive list.) It was there! I clicked to start and here is my favorite screenshot of the game so far:
OK, OK, that's not fair. The loading process obviously failed the first time. I tried again.
No, you can't even see a menu screen before you get caught up in the murky, barely regulated underground world of crypto scams.
The cheapest card you can currently buy costs 0.0037 ETH, which is equivalent to $12.06. The most expensive is (oh my) 50 ETH or $162,975.50.
Damn, I'm just missing these two quarters.
Oh! And if you thought, “Well, $12, maybe I could just pick it up and take a look,” the minimum amount you can add to a wallet is $21!
I can't say more about it at the moment because Ubisoft is working pretty It's hard to hide the look of the game from those who aren't ready to shoot for the moon. The publisher accidentally forgot to upload trailers to its own YouTube channel, opting instead for a hardwired version on its website… which doesn't show any in-game footage. Not even a hint.
Ubisoft also has how Polygon noticedhasn't yet thought of mentioning the game on his own social networks, but instead using a Eden online sockpuppet account. There, me Was In the animated sequences I was able to gain a little insight into the game itself. Funnily enough, this is shown in a tiny window to make it as difficult to see as possible.
It Look Like a crappy F2P mobile game, but since we haven't played it yet we can't judge if that's the case.
That is Captain Laserhawk: The GAME, People. Maybe it's the groundbreaking experience the world of NFTs and cryptos is crying out for, perhaps even something that can finally rival the fame Logan Pauls CryptoZoo.
(We contacted Ubi to find out why the website says “Reveal Your ID Card Now” without mentioning payment, and to find out if we can get access to the game without voluntarily entering into a crypto-shaped computing device must. )
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