So if you want to try the Jean-Luc Picard look, go for it with a few of these Switch hair clippers…
This shared cooker starts out easy enough, but at a certain point the number of culinary tasks combined with the obstacles of increasingly crazy kitchens, plus the ever-present timer, becomes a relationship test that can be compared to the stress of organizing a wedding or moving house. Divorce is famously third on that list of all-time stress triggers, so just make sure Overcooked doesn’t take you too far.
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In many ways, Fortnite can be quite relaxing. On a map this big, it’s entirely possible to drop onto an island and spend 10 minutes wandering around, keeping to yourself while everyone else is shooting each other’s sparkly loot.
But when you’re down to the last ten, eight, five survivors and that ring is approaching, your heart rate will be racing and your hands will probably be sweating, making the simplest maneuvers difficult to pull off if you’re down to the last two and honestly can’t wait to claim your Victory Royale.
You’d think being stuck in the ruins of a space station with a xenomorph lurking in the corridors would be stressful enough, but Alien: Isolation also houses a bunch of creepy androids who aren’t too happy about your presence. It’s not just the sheer terror that makes it so stressful, it’s the persistence of the fear that an alien could be lurking around every corner (or in any opening). Keep that motion tracker handy.
Speaking of fear…
While EMMIs don’t have blood acid, they do have RoboCop-esque spiked spikes that come out of their faces and impale Samus if they find you and overpower you. They also crawl on all fours like General Grievous and let out a disturbing chirp as they search for you. Not exactly the most relaxing way to tour a creepy planetary facility full of otherwise easy fodder for your cannon.
Tetris 99 is cubic. Trying to keep track of the various tiny wells can be quite the challenge, as can strategizing and targeting the ones you want to eliminate on your journey to get your chicken dinner in this Battle Royale. But on top of that, you have to play Tetris — and play it well! With the added time pressure of other people, as well as the constantly falling cubes, you’re best off sticking with Tetris Effect if, like some members of the Nintendo Life team, you love Tetris but have always been a little dumb. This one will raise your blood pressure, make you come back for ‘just one more’ and do the same ad infinitum.
Forgive us for including the terrible cloud version on the list, but it was wrong to exclude Mr. Xa considering he’s basically a video game poster for stress. Honestly, as much as we love the game, just knowing he’s in there lurking all the time somewhere it’s enough to discourage us from going through it again. This guy makes the constant, nagging threat of regular zombies feel like a Sunday afternoon stroll.
As with any game, if you get into the zone with Thumper, it can be fine. But the combination of his music, rhythmic elements, split-second turn precision and his unrelenting, metal-free presentation make him a one-way ticket to Thudding Temples if you can’t get into the desired flow state.
It’s perhaps the most famous shoot ’em up of all time and that’s why people took the time to master it, but let’s not forget how stressful Ikaruga is before you memorize its patterns and mechanics. It’s great software, but also a hair suggestion if your reaction time isn’t what it used to be or if you’re just not in the zone.
Probably the most ‘fun’ stress on the list, you still have less and less time to complete a series of increasingly difficult tasks in WarioWare. The manic craziness and fun atmosphere help mask the intense pressure, but if you’re looking for something to unwind at the end of a long day, give Wario and his fart the boot and go for a swim or something.
Playable on Switch with a subscription to Nintendo Switch Online, the rush of adrenaline from the timer when you drop Mario or Luigi at any point is similar to the panic we’d experience if a real-life baby dropped while running. That wailing follows us to this day. The game is all sunshine, rainbows and cute, colorful dinosaurs, and then drop the baby and you lose everything.
Inside is a pretty easy game, all in all, but that doesn’t stop it from being a stressful, ass-squeezing experience. From running away from a pack of vicious dogs by holding your teeth to copying the movements of a group of zombies to fool the watchful eyes of security cameras, Inside is absolutely determined to make you feel anxious. It almost never lets up, but finally letting go near the end of the game makes it all the more satisfying.
Subscribers to the Nintendo Switch Online Expansion Pack can fire up the N64 app and immerse themselves in the twisted, beautiful fatalism of this gem — and also experience firsthand the ticking of the three-day clock that put off so many Ocarina of Time fans in this sequel. The trick is to accept that, as in life, you can’t do everything. These days we may be better at Dandori doing our tasks, but when the maniacal moon is pressing down on you, as the sun sets on the third day, it’s hard to stay calm and continue rewind time.
And speaking of Dandori…
Here, stress is cleverly disguised in a pleasant, sympathetic wrapper. Oh, beautiful sunny morning! Oh, some adorable little creatures running around, carrying pieces and making wonderful noises! Oh, the light shining on the bridge…SOME HUGE BUG IS EATING ALL MY PLANTS OLD MAN—
Dandori’s battles, Waterwraith, a desperate 10 second scramble to rally troops at the end of the day so they don’t get devoured as your exhaust fumes dissipate. Despite appearances, Pikmin is – and always has been – a recipe for heart disease.
A relaxing swim in the ocean sounds nice and all, but what if you crash-landed on a foreign planet and had to explore an ocean full of unknown (and terrifying) creatures? Subnautica is all about that, and while there are ways to make the game a little more relaxing, Survival Mode is sure to make your fins shiver. Juggling your hunger, health, stamina and oxygen tank with the looming threat of underwater terror is enough to make us never want to go to sea again.
So what do you think about them? Do you find some perverse Zen-like peace in playing any of the above? Is there anything else you’ve played that has pissed you off? Does Sonic deserve a spot just for the horrible countdown music? Let us know below and who knows, maybe we’ll add it up there.
